... the love you take...

I've read that the average life span for a blog is two months, so I guess I'm average. Yay me! It's certainly better than "less than average."

I started this blog because I felt I needed an outlet to process stuff. My relationships are a little outside the norm, and they aren't suitable to discuss with friends. As a person who talks through things (or writes through them in this case), I thought this would be a good outlet to simply talk about the things rumbling around up there in my head. And it's served its purpose to some extent. It's also served to cause some hurt feelings in my relationships and that's no good.

So I'm ending this blog. I have relationships with two really great men. And I wouldn't do anything to jeopardize that.

I want to thank you for reading, commenting and emailing. I have enjoyed getting to know some like-minded folks in the blogging world and your advice and words of kindness mean more than you know.

Take good care...
DC

...is equal to the love you make.

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It went zip when it moved and pop when it stopped

I got a new toy! It's like Christmas all over again. I can't wait! Thanks, Bonnie, for the inspiration. The couple of swats I've tried on the palm of my hand have proven to be more substantial than one would gather from a first look.

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I'm in need of some restraint

Any afternoon that starts with me spending copious amounts of time licking and sucking B’s toes is a good afternoon. The look of contentment on his face while I’m doing this is priceless.

After what had felt like and eternity, B and I got to spend some quality time together. He tried out the tawse he got for his birthday. I was really hoping to have some bruising or at least some markings on my ass with that cool shape. "It’d look like you’d been licked by Satan’s tongue." Wouldn’t it, though? This is a mean and unforgiving implement. The picture doesn’t really convey that too well. I can’t wait to feel it again! I did end up with some bruising in some very interesting places, though.

I found myself bound between two posts. He’d pulled my hair back and attached something to it. That something was attached to the posts. I couldn’t tell what "that something" was, but I could tell it hurt like hell to move my head. Even flipping through my mental Rolodex of items in the vicinity that could possibly be used, I came up with nothing. My hands were not bound at all, which presented a different sort of challenge.

He moved my legs apart which pulled my hair even harder. A clothespin was attached to each of my labia. The clothespins were attached to the posts, causing me to be spread open. But there was some give in the bindings and it was unlike anything I remember experiencing before. Next came the spanking, paddling, beating. And every whack seemed to be forceful enough to make me jump. Every jump was like a fist pulling my hair and two hands yanking on the clothespins. Pain was everywhere at once. It was very intense.

After it was over and I saw what the mysterious bindings were, it made perfect sense: bungee cords. He’d used a bungee cord as a ponytail holder! The man is creative.

Ahh… good times.

This entry is apparently plagued by some demon. Maybe it’s Satan getting me back for talking about his tongue, but as I finished fine tuning it last night, the power went out and I lost it. Yes, I save early and often, but I guess this one ended up in the abyss. So I’m going to run with this abbreviated version and move on.

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Time is the final currency

You know, I don’t know why I find it so powerfully erotic. Logically, it’s a sentence… one of those phrases that starts with "I want you to…" Does what comes afterward really matter? It’s neat and simple and leaves no room for ambiguity. "I want you to…" I don’t have to interpret it or spin it. I only have to do it. And I did. At 9:08PM. And it was good. Thank you, B.

And don’t tell me that women don’t buy shoes just to keep other women from having them. Remember that ebay-spree I mentioned? Well, today the last item on my watch list was closing. Shoes, perhaps? Why, yes. One of the pitfalls to sniping is you sometimes get busy doing things like… oh… earning a living… and you forget to bid. So I emailed to ask the seller if she was planning to relist them. "No. I’ve decided to keep them." Dammit.

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I dont want to be your downtime.

So I sorted appropriately and discussed with R what it is that’s Amiss. After 3 completely draining hours of banging heads about it, he sought the path of least resistance and presented a simple solution… pretty much the same simple solution we’d talked about before. Yet here we were, having the same discussion again. I walked away somewhat disappointed and in shock wondering how my intelligent husband couldn’t understand my point.

Well, he finally got it… yesterday at work. I guess he just needed some time to mull it over. Yay us! He got it. We had a good debrief about it last night over bourbon salmon** and spinach salad.

Another result of the post-head-banging debrief is that I’m not going to be vague about my thoughts here any longer. I started blogging with the understanding that at some point (far off in the future), the two men in my life would be reading it. I didn’t intend for it to be this point in the not-so-far-off future, but I let it slip to B. (There’s a whole nother entry about Freudian slips and manipulation that is somewhat intertwined with this, but that’s for another day.) So here we are.

From the News of Good News Department, my black bra has resurfaced. I’m really excited about this. It wasn’t cheap. Turns out it had jumped into one of the toy boxes in the basement. R found it last night frolicking with a riding crop and some leather ankle cuffs. Yes, I truly believe my toys are no different than the Toy Story toys. I hear them rattling around in the basement from time to time. It's hard for chains to move about quietly.

Speaking of toys, R gave me a good beating last night. (Yay me!) I have the weirdest bruise pattern I’ve ever seen on my ass. Well, there was that one bruise that was the size and shape of Australia, but this is different. It’s almost like stippling. I keep looking in the mirror to try and figure out what it’s shaped like. Nothing yet.

Another week has passed without B and I being able to get together. I am missing him pretty awfully badly but am trying not to whine about it. We all get to hear enough whining in our lives, don’t we?



**This is an excellent marinade for salmon. It's not my recipe, but an exhaustive 60-second search of the net yielded no results for the source.

Salmon Marinade

7 Tbs Bourbon (cheap stuff is good)
1-1/2 tsp garlic powder
1 tsp salt (or to taste)
1/4 tsp pepper (or to taste)
11 tsps cooking oil
2 Tbs dark brown sugar
6-1/4 tsp soy sauce

Mix all ingredients well. Pour over salmon fillets in casserole dish. Cover and let marinate for 4 hours or overnight.

To cook:
Grill on medium heat. Place Salmon skin side down. Cook until 3/4 done. Remove skin after turning over. Brush with marinade and cook for 1 minute.

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I can see right through you...

As you can see in number 54 of my list, I hate to shop. Detest it. I went to K-Mart (Yes, K-Mart sucks, but it’s near by) one day last week and was amused and irritated to experience every single one of The Reasons I Hate to Shop. I wrote a whole several paragraphs about it and decided not to share because it’s just bitching and moaning. And we all get to hear enough bitching and moaning in our lives, don’t we?

So the K-Mart trip evolved into subsequent trips to the office supply store, another discount store, and yesterday, the bookstore. Oh, and last night I shopped on ebay. I am a big fan of ebay and have an on-again, off-again relationship with it. I’ve been off-again for a good long while now. But I actually placed several items on my Watch List, so I may be going back. My ebay shopping (and yes, for those of you who are wondering, I DID buy shoes) led me to a web site from Holland, where, yet again, I made a purchase. And out of all that shopping, not one thing was for the toybag, which is a shame.

Now by this time, bells and whistles were sounding loudly. And not just the storm whistle, though it was going off all weekend. This shopping spree is indicative of something else going on. It’s not PMS and it’s not spending anyone else’s money to get even with them in some way. It’s my money.

I feel this sense of accomplishment by just coming to the realization that Something Is Amiss as evidenced by this shoppingfest. So I’m watching and sorting and thinking, which may get me into trouble. But I’m in pursuit of the truth (but not justice and I think I’m familiar with the American Way).

I think I know what it is, but there are some things on the periphery that I want to rule on before moving forward.

Speaking of Superman, I saw a preview for the upcoming movie at the theater yesterday. It looks good.

Another vague entry with rumblings of some vague discontentment… You know, since both of the men in my life read my blog now, I'm finding it a lot more difficult to talk about things in any form other than vagueness. Maybe I need to try some more fiction.

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My "100 Things About Me" list

All the other kids have them, so here is my list...

1. I like piña coladas.
2. I like chi-chis better.
3. I don’t like to touch newspaper. It creeps me out.
4. As a child, I learned a lot from Schoolhouse Rock and can still sing most of the songs.
5. I voted as an absentee in the last presidential election.
6. I am an avid reader.
7. My favorite fruit is pineapple, with blueberries coming in a close second.
8. I collect random things… little boxes, silver charms, pressed pennies, concert ticket stubs.
9. I have been to a bullfight.
10. I’ll never go to another one.
11. I’m learning to be more patient.
12. I love music.
13. I am a golden god!
14. I amuse myself by quoting movie lines.
15. I have files on my hard drive from as early as 1993.
16. I prefer red wine over white.
17. I believe everyone should have to wait tables at least once in their life.
18. My favorite color is blue.
19. My eyes are blue.
20. I dig cute shoes.
21. I prefer to be barefoot.
22. I am happy with my life.
23. I still don’t know what I want to be when I grow up.
24. I don’t have any tattoos, but would probably get one if I ever found "the one."
25. I think "the one" is an overused concept.
26. I don’t like mushrooms.
27. I wonder if Paris Hilton’s 15 minutes will ever be up.
28. I can’t sleep naked.
29. I love to sing in the car.
30. Talk radio is an oxymoron.
31. I love to travel.
32. I hate to fly.
33. When I have to fly, I think of the same song lyric every time we’re about to land.
34. I have dreams that happen in recurring locations. Different dreams, but in the same locations.
35. I believe in reincarnation.
36. I love games.
37. I like to win.
38. I wish I could take public transit to work.
39. I don’t like odd numbers.
40. I’m an ESTJ.
41. I have big feet.
42. I like to read "100 Things" lists on other blogs.
43. My favorite Stephen King book is The Stand.
44. I was a band geek in high school.
45. I have a gun.
46. My aim is true.
47. I don’t believe in organized religion.
48. I have a small scar near my right eye.
49. So does my husband.
50. I name my cars.
51. I like to drive fast.
52. I prefer crunchy peanut butter.
53. Most people look familiar to me.
54. I hate to shop and do most of it online.
55. I am a stickler for correct grammar and spelling.
56. I have been skinny dipping.
57. I don’t iron well.
58. I have been hypnotized.
59. In my mind, I have a song that reminds me of most people I know.
60. I’m a joiner.
61. I like hockey.
62. I like the muppets.
63. I have been to 30 of the United States.
64. The state I haven’t been to that I would most like to visit is Maine.
65. The city I haven’t been to that I would most like to visit is San Francisco.
66. I have visited 25 countries.
67. Outside the US, the place I’d most like to visit is The Seychelles. I’m not sure I could sit on a plane long enough to get there, though.
68. I frequently mix metaphors.
69. I played with that apostrophe for FAR too long.
70. There are very few perfumes I can tolerate being around. I never wear the stuff myself.
71. I love to give gifts.
72. I have a list of things I want to do before I die.
73. There was a solar eclipse on my last day of high school.
74. I’ve never fed anyone peeled seedless grapes. Yet.
75. I am a bit of a liquor snob. I only drink call or premium brands.
76. I am listening to the soundtrack from Garden State right now.
77. My favorite Star Trek is The Next Generation. Riker is hot!
78. I will see two concerts this summer.
79. I have seen the Running of the Bulls in Pamplona.
80. I have not ridden in a spaceship (that I know of) but would like to.
81. I believe no one should have to work on their birthday.
82. I believe in symbolism and think there are no coincidences.
83. I can’t carry a small purse. And I carry a purse, not wear it.
84. I read a quote in a literature class in college about eyes. It was profound. I’ve looked for it off and on ever since then, but have never been able to find it.
85. I was in an accelerated program in middle school, but when I got to high school I had to choose between that and band. I guess you can’t be smart and be a musician at the same time. *sigh*
86. I met my husband on the internet…
87. And my Dom…
88. And two of my previous boyfriends.
89. I need 8 hours of sleep a night.
90. When it comes to the place I live, I like décor that is fun, bright and colorful.
91. Leftovers that go into my fridge come out months later cleverly disguised as a science project more often than not.
92. Over the past few years I have gone from having a lot of close friends to having few close friends and a lot of acquaintances.
93. I hate being interrupted when I’m speaking.
94. I am guilty of interrupting other people, but it’s something I’ve been working on for a while.
95. I think teachers are very underpaid. Professional athletes and celebrities get paid way too much.
96. I generally follow the rules unless they don’t make sense.
97. I once had a New Year’s resolution to not listen to any car dealer commercials on the radio for one year.
98. I succeeded, but it made me a compulsive radio button pusher and I remain one today.
99. Thank the gods for my mp3 player.
100. I love the smell of leather.

And special thanks to R who was valiant enough to point out that (the item formerly known as) 98 contradicted 55.

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